


Without You

by satanchangedmypresets



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 2014, 2014!Castiel, Angst, Character Death, End!verse, Future Castiel, Future Dean Winchester, Gen, M/M, Suicide, The End
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-30
Updated: 2012-06-30
Packaged: 2017-11-16 00:31:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/533500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satanchangedmypresets/pseuds/satanchangedmypresets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean should've seen it coming, but sometimes love is blind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Without You

As he thought back over the night before, he realizes he should’ve seen this coming. It wasn’t unusual here at Camp Chitaqua and, sure, with all the drugs and alcohol Castiel did regularly, he was a high risk. Still, Dean had never believed this could happen. Not even remotely.

* * *

_Castiel turned the rolled joint over in his hands, as if debating whether or not he was going to light it._

_“So…Dean…we never finished our conversation.”_

_“What conversation?” he asked, not looking up from the rounds he was packing with salt._

_“You know…Purgatory…”_

_Purgatory. The word stirred up unwanted memories, fond memories compared to this nightmare, memories of Castiel and Gabriel and Loren and Vita and Steve…goddamn, remembering Steve hurt. A kid who’d done nothing more than get dumped in with him and Cas; a selfless kid who could melt his heart with wide, innocent blue eyes._

_Castiel had been forced to put a bullet through his head six months ago after a croat exploded over the boy. He remembered the drop in his stomach when he found the former angel sobbing over their son’s still body._

_“Yeah…” Castiel said softly, catching his train of thought from the look on his face.”I miss him too.”_

* * *

That should’ve been his first clue. Take a man’s son and what does he have left?

But, instead, he was sitting here on the floor of Castiel’s cabin, threading his fingers through his best friend’s dark hair. He didn’t cry, no matter how much he wanted to or how hard his throat clenched. He was pretty sure he’d lost the ability a long time ago.

“Hey, Boss, are you in…” Chuck froze at the sight of them and Dean’s arms tightened protectively around Castiel. For a moment, he and Chuck stared at each other before Chuck seemed to deflate.

“Should I…?”

“…yeah…”

Chuck nodded, slipping back out. Dean heard him call out to someone before tuning them out, looking down at the broken angel in his arms.

* * *

_He shook his head, clearing his thoughts. “What conversation, Cas?” he prompted again._

_“You never answered me.”_

_And then he knew._

“I love you.”

“Cas, don’t…”

“I love you, Dean Winchester, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

-

Why had he never answered?

-

_“Cas…”_

_He’d held everything back in hopes that the angel would see what a mistake he was making. He tried to do what was right and give up what he wanted but it had all turned out the same. Even now, there was still hope Cas might get his wings back. Slim, but he had to hold onto it._

_“Dean…”_

_“I’m sorry, Cas.” He breathed. “You really shouldn’t love me.”_

_Castiel didn’t even react, just laid the joint down on the table and picked up the bottle of bourbon he kept stashed underneath. He took a long drink, rubbing a hand over his face._

_“Yeah, I figured you’d say something like that. Just wanted to hear you say it first.”_

-

Second clue. God, why hadn’t he been paying attention?

-

_They sat there in an oddly comfortable silence until Dean finished packing the salt rounds. A couple of girls came by to proposition Castiel but he turned them both down politely, citing that Dean needed his help despite the fact that the angel never lifted a finger to do any such thing. He only drank himself further in a drunken stupor._

-

Third clue.

-

_“Try and get some rest, Cas.” Dean ordered as he packed up the ammunition._

_He was halfway to the door when he felt Castiel’s hand on his arm. He turned and found himself turning into Castiel’s lips._

_The former angel tasted of whiskey and smoke at first, but beneath that there was fire and light and wind and sky and everything Castiel used to be. Dean forced himself not to react, to keep a straight face when Castiel pulled away, despite how much he wanted to push Castiel back onto the desk and fuck him raw, to hold him close and whisper all the things he never said and never would._

_“I just want you to know…” Castiel said softly. “I don’t regret anything I did for you.”_

_Dean clenched his jaw, forcing himself to step back and away from the angel._

_“Night, Cas.”_

_He walked out, closing the door behind him. He didn’t look back._

* * *

Dean cradled Castiel’s still form against his chest, tracing the rope burns under the angel’s jaw. If not for those, Castiel could’ve just been sleeping. But Dean had been around Death enough to know the feeling. At least the angel could have some peace now.

Then again, suicide was a mortal sin. Right up there with murder and gay sex. If Constantine was anything to go by, that meant Castiel was in Hell. An angel in Hell…oh, they’d tear his ass apart.

Well, this whole mess had started with Cas pulling him out of Hell. Maybe it was time to return the favor and drag his feathery ass back where it belonged. The thought made him laugh when he hadn’t done so in years. Listening to the broken sound, he wondered if he’d finally snapped under the pressure and he was hearing the sound of his own insanity. Oddly, it only made the rescue-Cas-from-Hell mission seem more plausible.

He was definitely insane then. Laughing, he pulled his gun from the holster on his hip, lovingly caressing the handle with his thumb.

“Don’t worry, Cas…” he chuckled breathlessly, his free arm tightening around the angel’s corpse.

He pressed the barrel of the gun to his temple.

“…I’m coming for you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by events on the blog askdeanandcasinpurgatory.tumblr.com. Posted with permission from all included parties.


End file.
